i am looking for little bits of beauty in my days. our family is struggling more than ever these days. in the past we have dealt with some behaviors that are hard, but those behaviors met hormones. so right now we are consumed with him. CONSUMED.
so i look for any ray of sunshine, validation, or happy moment to get us by.
this girl fell in LOVE with daddy's new tablet. like, a LOT. however, she has a LOVE/HATE relationship going with some angry birds... (note that eli blu is making out angry bird valentines)...
but we all know where her heart belongs..
SICK THAT IS...
it's taking us down one at a time... i think mina is the last. poor sweet babe.
right now i'm doing just that... we have had some of the hardest days around here in years.. ok, minus the whole 'she almost killed me physically and then didn't sleep for a year'..that will always trump it all.(but i love you sweet baby girl) truly though, we are really struggling.
collaberative parenting classes, actually attending middle school classes with my 13yr old, counseling meetings, teacher meetings, lets get this next boy ready for middle school, repeat, with our everyday real life thrown in there too.
it's about more than i can handle right now. then i remember that in order to grow we must be stretched to an uncomfortable limit before it happens. so i pray... and i hand it over to the Lord.. then i do this silly thing, i try to say "yep, this is now doable for me.. thanks, i will take this back and fix it." that is not how it works. so i am humbled and give it back to Him. sigh...
in the eye of the storm (usually 4pm after all the above and right before dinner and next round of homework, scouts, fighting starts) you can find me LOVING EVERYONE THROUGH SUGAR... healthy? nope.. still going to do it because i'm sharing my love the way their momma shows love? yep. i've been baking snickerdoodles like crazy. filling up tupperware and fancy candy dishes. it helps me, it's nice for the girl who isn't involved, it's there the next morning when i can no longer think of what a healthy snack would be for lil naughty (can we say spoiled?)... so it's a win. ironically not for the boy who is 75% of those issues. he doesn't like snickerdoodles.... ooops. new cookie next week.
just so grateful for what i get to do. i am HOME. i am not home physically all the time. you can find me at my therapist's office, the school office, the social studies room, the really hard to go to parenting class but damnt i'm so glad i went this week class, or in my van... from school to school. BUT, i am able to do this because i am HOME.
it's been an unusually cold and dry month. even the tiny bits of frost make oregonians excited. we think of it as snow. the kids dress up with scarves and mittens and run out to go play before they do anything else. truly, it might as well have snowed. anything trumps rain really... but before i knock it, i might add i am fond of the green place i live in and will not be one to whine about the rain. ahem.
that girl is crazy. it's cold.. like COLD cold.. add frozen.. slick.. ice.. hmmm that says "i should go stand on a slick surface so my mom will take a picture of me instead of that leaf."
as i make fun of my kids i might humble myself and add that i was the crazy lady out in the yard taking pictures of frost and plants for 20min in her robe.
and the only way to end a morning like this is to...
to sip cocoa out of cute girly cups and lots of whipped cream!
when my g was little.. and a blondie with those cheeks like above, he LOVED bubbles. he was new to my world. i was a young single momma. i had all the time in the world to give to just him. and oh did i. one of my favorite memories has to be with that same bubble wand with magic bubbles that last forever and stick to EVERYTHING in the house. yes that wand is 13yrs old. miss minie is baby #4 so i no longer have all the time in the world for her but i do know how quickly this thing called childhood escapes us, so i make the time to simply just blow bubbles and giggle for 15min. when i see her enjoying it, i can only think of my little g who was my whole world. a world that was more simple without algebra, consequences, and tears. i think of that little g with blond hair and big cheeks.
(how can one say that title or even type it without hearing that Everclear song?)
project life... one picture a day ... a thought or two journaled down... here we go again.. but in 2013
i'm going to skip all the holiday happenings for now and get right to the gifts... after all it is almost new years.
mr. g is loving everything he got. he is always grounded from electronics so there was no use getting him any. he does however love to sort out legos when he is angry. so i got.. ahem.. santa brought him a lego sorting system. it's so him. he loves it. that is what matters.
i bought him a hat. not just any hat but one that has a huge flat bill. i guess that is the cool thing. my friend and i had to ask the guy at zumiez what every logo was go make sure it was cool yet not inappropriate... i told him i was old and the last time i shopped there was 20yrs ago. im old. while i was in there i got him a cool hoodie. to match the hat of course. the look had to be pulled off with head phones of course.
eli blu had a bit of an awkward yet great Christmas. he was right on the edge of believing.. he wanted a video game really bad. i finally said "you didn't get a game" which luci replied "just ask santa for it" and he looked at me with a twinkle and said "i can't, i already asked him for a TABLET" well...
funny enough Santa thought that was a good idea months ago. he might just believe again. that was not the intention but he just might. his face sure looked like it that morning. now, he has wanted a zip over your face hoodie for so long. SO LONG. he actually started wearing his hoodie backwards which started a trend at school and it was banned at recess due to boys running into eachother. i looked high and low. i took 2 back. while at zumiez i decided to go all out and get him a good quality one. he is a good boy so i shelled out the $69 for it. it was my 2nd favorite gift i got this year. could not wait to see his face. this is what i got;
so i guess a dorky face is only cool once you hit middle school because he didn't like it at all! he was nice about it. it's not that he didn't appreciate it but he wasn't going to wear it to school. my heart broke but i kept it together...i wanted him to have what he wanted. brian took him down there and he did find another. so that is what matters. i just wanted him to have one that wasn't scary or evil. he picked a good one..
moving onto luci girl. this little girl is full of the Spirit of Christmas and makes it magical every day leading up to it. she asked Santa for a $15 toy. that makes it easier for Santa to give out tablets... she wanted a doodle bear. Santa brought something just a little bit more special.. a doodle penguin for the girl who loves such things. it has been doodled on and washed a few times already. can't wait for little sister to realize she can color on toys...eeeek.
she also got clothes which being a girl you would think one would be excited but it's not so. maybe that will change on the first day back to school. when she is gavens age it will mean everything i'm sure.( quick story; when i was gavens age i got some bongo jeans that i could peg with an oversized white sweater and exclamation perfume! i thought i was amazing. i ran downstairs, curled my hair and added layers of hairspray i'm sure then followed it with way too much perfume. my sister went outside to take pictures of me at my request. nothing like being 13 and into yourself. sigh...)
and onto little miss. it was a very minnie Christmas here this year. Santa gave her a little something. a mushroom and frog bowling set. i got a bowling set around that age and LOVED it so that should be fun during these winter months of being indoors. the one toy i never did get and wanted my whole life.. the one i had to get the real one of as an adult but ironically had to get rid of when i had kids..
A JEEP!!!! yep.. i lived through my child this year. in a healthy way. she can drive this thing for years. luci rides in it at 9. we have the perfect backyard for it once it's dry and until then we have a 10acre park with a bike path just a block away. i still can't believe it. she ran right to it. grabbed a candy can off the stocking and got in it. she didn't get out for over a half hour. after we exchanged gifts and ate breakfast we took her outside in it. i must have looked like a 5yr old out there. the older neighbors all came out to see her ride up and down the street. it was what i always thought it would be...
there was a little something for brian. something i LOVED getting him. nerd gifts. i thought i was brilliant. not sure if he did.
the license plate reads; 'no i won't fix your computer' in german and the shirt reads GEEK in binary and then says 'if you can read this you are too'.
i got everything i wanted or needed this year. my sweet husband got me a digital frame that i have wanted for so long that i was about to go buy myself. the only thing i asked my dad for he brought with him... a load of firewood for a nice Christmas day fire and a couple pounds of coffee beans. fire and a cup of joe... sigh... wonderful holiday
i've spent the last two days cleaning up Christmas. i'm pretty sure this part of it has nothing to do with Jesus... sigh. we start out simple. reading from the scriptures as we add figures into the nativity on the dining room table... but somewhere along the way it becomes about bright colors, glitter, bows, and santa. sometimes i remind myself that i have little children and this is how it should be. so i guess i will just take a week cleaning up 'the magic' of it all.
90% of it is put back in totes but i'm still cleaning the yuck that was left underneath it that used to be my house! two rooms are done, minus a popcorn cake on the piano i just can't throw away. so today i'm breaking out some crafty happiness.
Every year there is this moment that makes every crazy, upsetting, failing moment of parenting just disappear.. it is the moment when you turn out the lights Christmas eve.
That very special moment came and went. it was followed by wake up calls at 6am for the trip out to the tree. all these years later i can't believe the kids wait for me to go out to 'check if santa has come' because when they were little i said that so i could be on the otherside of them to get a picture of their faces. so i 'checked' and yes, he had come. we had a great day. we feasted.
and now i have the reality of it all... my kitchen is scary. my fridge is full.. like FULL.. (which is not a complaint.. just different), my desk and table are covered in layers of new things and paperwork to new things, my home just isn't my home... i don't want to face it but here i go..
more pics like this to come soon..
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