Balancing Bliss

on a lighter and oh so much cuter note....

this weekend was farm days...it is a national event where farms open themselves up to the public. my friend megan knits with her friend who spins her own yarn from her alpacas, so i had an easy 'in'.... the best part is that we were welcomed back at any time...

the scary part is....after looking at all the yarn...i think i want to learn to knit!

friends are gifts....

i have recently had old friends come back into my life....not that they were ever gone...it's just life... we all have families, jobs, and so on keeping us busy....you know it's a true blue friend when you can not only be yourself but share yourself with them. you can pick right up again. there is no need for big plans but can just sit on the couch and chat. i once flew half way across the country to see a friend (miss you sherri..why did you have to leave verizon for that damn i-phone?) in a state i had never been and so much to see but we spent 85% of that time on her couch....it was so easy.

it's true what my friend pam has mentioned to me many of times...friends come and go out of our lives, it's interesting to look back on our lives and see that...i had the opportunity to spend my weekend with old friends.

toni...who i do not have a pic of and wished i did....we share the convert experience and love of short hair and she cut all of my hair off for me this weekend...aahhhh. thanks toni....

heather...who showed up with dutch in the exact unknowingly time of need...

and kristi.....who spent the weekend with my family on her way to a jason mraz concert...*jealous*, who makes me want to be a better person because from time to time she tells me she looks up to me, who almost always sees the brighter side of things when it presents an opportunity to do so...and is wise beyond her years...

and i love you ....even if you have nerf gun wars in my house when it's totally against the rules...wink

and a little shout out to lisa....thank you for the box of love that came in the mail...can't wait to spend some time with you soon

consider yourself warned...a LONG and healing post....

this week i was spiritually and emotionally attacked by someone i held dear. this is not the first time. this person has been in and out of my life since i was a child. it came as no surprise.she bitterly cut me down concerning my faith, marriage, motherhood, career, and 'perfect life'.  although i do not feel the need to defend myself, i do feel like sharing my thoughts, get it out, learn, heal and move on. 

concerning my faith;

i AM a Christian. there are many Christian churches and anyone coming to Christ in ANY religion is a beautiful thing. being a Latter Day Saint is so much more than coffee vs no coffee, funky underwear and temples. i am NOT perfect. i once tried to be for a short time...it can't be done and frankly it was freakin' exhausting. the Lord gave us the atonement so that we do not have to be perfect. He is the only one who accomplished it on this earth. we also were given free agency with room to mess up, learn from it,be forgiven and move on. today; i will mess up, i might (85% sure) i will swear, get angry, or judge someone i shouldn't. actually now that it's said...i say 99% sure.

the truth is Jesus Christ walked this earth, died for us, was resurrected, and lives. i am NOT ashamed to share that but instead am eternally grateful for the peace that it brings to my soul while on this mortal journey.

concerning my marriage; (or my trials before marriage)

at one point, actually a long spurt in my life, i would fall for the baddest boy in the room and even worse fall for another immediately after that didn't work out...they didn't work out...imagine that...giggle.. marriage is a partnership and is selfless (something i try to remind myself of everyday) it isn't a ride of bliss but rather work. you commit to work on that when you get married.

before i got married i had some time to really get to know and find myself and what i wanted. i CHOSE brian for a reason. it wasn't his bad boy qualities...anyone that knows brian is now smiling.. he was a man to be my partner on this journey. he was a man who could be the true definition of father and has fulfilled that role. i can never express the ease he gives to my soul by being a rock of unwavering stability in my life...more so than i ever could have imagined.

concerning my motherhood;

it has changed my life in the most beautiful of ways. i had no idea what it could turn out to be, what i would learn from it or the joy it would bring into my life and theirs. can't imagine who i would have turned out to be without this never ending commitment. when you are young, one makes BIG mistakes, it's part of life. if you can process those mistakes and grow from them than you learn a deeper meaning from life. NOTHING literally NOTHING can make one see that more than becoming a mother.

concerning my career;

i am forever grateful for brian who works hard to support his family and who emotionally supports me for our choice because he respects it.  i am grateful to my father who financially supports our choice because he also respects it. he has paid for preschool, been santa more than once, and has bought school shoes. and........he LOVES it. i am not (as told to me) 'living off of' people but rather giving of myself to my family.

flipping burgers and pumping  gas is so over stated...but i would do anything and everything to make $ in a time of need for my family...it was only 2 short years ago that we delivered newspapers in the winter rain with 3 kiddos in the van to make christmas gifts possible.

driving a 16yr old mini van, not being able to spend $ on shopping sprees with my friends (i still go for girl time and lunch out :)) and not have everyday adult time with co-workers IS a sacrifice that i am willing to make. the perks are that i don't have to panic about how to get work time off when my kids are sick; i just adjust my to-do list and take the day to cuddle them, i get to go to work in my pj's some days, picnics, parks, and playdates are sometimes on the agenda during the middle of my week and i am there to photograph all the memories being made.

i am fully in awe of mothers who work out of the home. there is no prejudice here. some work because they HAVE to and others because they really enjoy their careers...kudos...they amaze me. really.

for myself, i make the most of this time in my life. it's more than being on the couch watching soaps or serving up frozen chicken nuggets...its an opportunity and a blessing in my life that i give my all. i may not get a sum of $$$ for it but i am quite confident that i will get an eternal gratitude of one.

concerning joy;

(i do not have a perfect life...i do have joy)

finding joy in the everyday is not only a gift to you and the people around you but is an offering of appreciation to GOD for this life we are LIVING.

i have never been one to blow rainbows and sunshine out my ass, keeping it real comes naturally to me, always has, it's just me. i HAVE trials. BIG ONES. but along the way i have learned to look for, take notice of, and CREATE joy in the little things of this life.

and to end this process of healing;

what i got out of this; relief. although i had that horrible feeling in my stomach the last day or two( you know the one you get when you get confronted or a high-school break-up) I HAVE RELIEF. this was an opportunity to heal and to grow. instead of getting overcome with hate...i actually feel sorry for the person who did this, where i have a marriage to lean on, a legacy to leave behind, true last friendships and a promising future of security; she has not one of those things in her life. forgiveness is not for the other person...it is for you.

this post was long...but it was so very healing to get it out.

ralph marston jr. - " don't let the difficulties get you down, let them get you going."

rockin'.....

we found a steal on the new rock band beatles for our wii...had to....

most played song of the evening? yes .... lucy in the sky with diamonds...how did you know?

groove.....

 the last two weeks i couldn't find time to even shower...i was either bathing a child, feeding one, or making their lunch to send with them. my other fav was sitting at the bus stop waiting and waiting some more, because i didn't know the schedule. one day i spent a total of 1hr 35min sitting at one bus stop, the other bus stop, or behind gavens school. in my two hours alone i would unpack and clean as much as i could before they came home. then we would go through backpacks, get snacks (feeding again! i swear that is all i do some days), start homework, and it was time to make dinner. then get them ready for bed and ready for the next day.

 i think i have found my groove. worse case scenario on the bus situation....they would have to walk from the corner of the block to our corner (yes a total of 3 houses) home without their momma. wah. they have had hot lunch two days in a row and my house isn't as perfect as i thought it would be by now, but i am happy. a happy momma is so much more important than pictures being hung on the wall. i made a choice to spend that 2 hrs (now 3hrs because i'm not sitting at a bus stop) as some free time to recharge. there will be days i get stuff done around here during that time i'm sure, but today;

i treated myself to a target trip to get cat food....doesn't have to be spa treatment kind of day...just time out without feeding, bathing, or holding someones hand. while i was there i might have gotten a LARGE bag of reeses dark chocolate peanut butter cups. i also went to the library and skipped the kids area completely....straight up to non-fiction i went. as i walked out of the library, i gave thought to what i just checked out....cooking, sewing, birdhouses, adopting a dog, houseplants, and gardening. pretty damn good life i have...it would be wrong not to take a couple hours a week to myself to learn and grow.

(i may or may not have eaten 12 pb cups while i was blogging this....they are dark chocolate and are seasonal...have to take advantage of that too)

yesterday, today, tomorrow, and someday.....

yesterday;

i had an unexpected girls day out....i hope to have a post about a lovely thing or two that i may have brought home....but....what i came home to was so much more lovely....

brian finished the primer on the bricks...now my job to put my lovely color of cream on them....

AND....

when i got out of the van i almost went breathless...you see...where there is a funky twisted branch...there used to be a LARGE japanese maple (ya ya...i know some people like them...i know they are expensive...yada yada) that grew as high as my roof and as wide as that circle...i had yet to see out my kitchen window! it opens the house up so much...i only wish i could have taken a picture of the house BEFORE he cut it down...still...what a good man i have...who do you know that sends their wife to an outlet mall for the day while he stays home with 3 kids, cuts down a tree, and paints?  i think i will keep him....

today;

i woke up to a barking sound...it came from my little girl...frown....she had a sore throat...still she cried big tears when i told her she couldn't go to kindergarten today...she lives for catching the bus.. so we made hot cocoa

crafted and loved on her kitty...

but the kinder was very sad when her afternoon bus came.... so we ;

she may look sad but she has been BEGGING me to curl her hair ever since we unpacked the rollers...

then she just went all girly goofy on me...

in luci fashion....

then i made this on my photo editing....its an oil painting...gram she wanted this to be for you....

after the photo shoot she ate strawberry cheesecake....if i had to stay at home sick...that is the way i would do it!

tomorrow;

even if she is sick...we are going to work on this;

everytime i even get started on this room she plays late into the evening and i clean it up by packing it back up!....ugh...she deserves such a pretty little girl room...i just don't want to fall short on expectation....but we are going to give it a try....

someday soon;

i have 90 bulbs to plant this month...any suggestions?

and jen...i found something to do with those curtains....

what do you think?i haven't actually cut or stitched it at all ..yet.. and i'm not revealing what i am doing with the other...

and from many moons ago....i found;

and in that box of receipts were some this long;

so what does this have to do with yesterday, today, and tomorrow? well....a few years ago i worked for a scrapbook store (**hugs suzanne**) and i have seemed to acquire a few things....;

it's everywhere...surrounding me...this is just the stuff i want to keep out!...i have at least 5 more boxes lurking...they have more priority than other peoples things...they are not allowed to stay in the garage...so each room has one or two boxes...and although they are higher priority ...they are not in the unpacking phase...so that is all you will see....many moons ago i was blessed to be part of the scrapyard and someday ...i will be crafting again....and it all started from a little box i liked because of it's butterflies and mushrooms;

i mean really? i'll keep a few papers in there...that's what they all say..."they"? .....they are scrapbookers....it only takes one....and add it to ;

an old photo...and you are an addict....but if you are going to be addicted to something...it's a worthy addiction...keeping memories and writing history....just like this blog!....darn...i have another addiction!

kindergarten...

 today was the day that i was supposed to be childless....eli blu is home with a fever...poor boy...who has to lay around in jammies watching cartoons and drinking 7-up....

 it was luci's day and she stole the show... she has afternoon kinder so it is going to take some getting used to....i thought we were great on time ....then i was shoving lunch at her...and running her out the door...we got a "few" pics and were 20min early....oops...it was first day jitters i suppose...

 let the show begin....

best day of the year.....

 1st day of school! best day for me that is...

eli blu starts an hour earlier than gaven...so off to his school we went...he was so excited to change schools because this school meant he was a bus rider...big deal to a 2nd grader...but when we got to his school...he got nervous...real nervous...eli blu is NOT the nervous type so it was weird to see him in that light...he asked me to stay a little longer with him...i was honored...those days are limited...but the entire time he looked like this;

got back home to gav who was all ready to go....that ended by day 2...he is his mothers son...we are NOT morning people....we loaded in the car..."oh gav we forgot pictures...are you going to let me take one at school?" and off went the seatbelt and he bailed...backpack and all....he knew the drill...he found a tree and stood there with this look on his face;

i try not to complain on 1st days because it's 'their day' and i don't want to make them feel bad or lose any confidence walking through the doors...but REALLY? thats all i get? reality was ready to smack me down again....so i drove him to school..."mom...you don't really need to go in...i know what to do" and that was the reality...off he went...no pic...little does he know that i respect his growing up but i still have my camera;

why yes those are my windshield wipers in the pic...i drove away after that because i was scaring some of the other parents...don't know why....i was just driving slowly in a van behind a child with camera in hand....

off to a house full of boxes and alot of conversations with this little one;

she makes a day rough....that was sarcasm.... love time with this little girl...

it was actually a LONG day....but 3:30 did come around....and this was a delight to see...

he runs at me and says "mom....soooo it turns out that if you say 'slug bug', someone Actually slugs you!"  we never really shared that part of the game with them...ignorance was bliss...

he was my happy eli blu... that we all know and love...i don't usually worry about him...well i do but for different reasons...today i worried about him...sweet boy...i guess all it took was a bus ride....

about that time...gaven rounded the corner from his walk home....

i think luci girl missed her boys....where gaven is standing is our bus stop...the ivy is the end of our property...i get to watch them get off the bus from the window...right now i am of course going with them but later when it is pouring down rain..i might just watch them from the window... kitty corner from that is the end of the bike path that gaven walks home on...he DID walk home on...he informed me that it was the most boring walk he had ever been on because the only thing he saw this time were 2 cats and alot of bugs....darn...wished he found some strangers to talk to?! normally it's a busy place when we go in the evenings so he was disappointed....and now i drive over to his school and pick him up...

you know which kids mothers take too many photos because they turn into crazies after pic 3 so we will stop....i say we because there is more than just me...i know it...they don't believe me but there are more of us!...yes they were all still framed...i did not get that in action....they freeze for goof pictures now....sigh

knowing....

 

thank all of you who shared our love, loss, and hope for the future. we are blessed to know the gospel and to have His comfort. we will get through this and are looking forward to what is to come....

painting party....

before we ever moved in we painted 5 rooms in the house...i knew that if we didn't do it, that it would be forever until we did....so happy i did...

the girl that made it all possible...

my sister jenny fell in love with color and painting when she became a home owner...actually she once had a studio that she made the most lovely yellow stripes in a french country kitchen...anywhoooo... she bought all 10 gallons of paint for me as a house warming gift...amazing gift...amazing sister... thank you jen...

so let the party begin...

as if the paint wasn't enough...she brought down fancy portland cupcakes...yummo...

i just liked the shadow...had to...

thanks to anne for my folksy gold kitchen, trish for my embellished blue dining room wall, mel and pam for my carefree blue bedroom, meg and rachel for the boys sky high and vast blue boys room and jenny for my ivoire and lovely fav of smoky lavender living room.

i also went to work on the house...my sassy green room was quite the day...i can't tell you how many times i had to run out to home depot or lunch wearing these pants...didn't even matter at the end of these 4 days...

so far my bedroom is my favorite. it is turning out to be exactly what i wanted....when i wake up in the morning...my bed spread, walls, and sky are all the same color. beautiful. loving it and i see the vision i have for this tranquil place coming true...

and this little girl has her very own room...that tiny little bump would be our lil' princess in her big bed
.....she is in love with the idea of a girls room...even though it will be the last room finished..

there will be so many more pics to come of these rooms coming into their own...right now i am just getting on schedule...and that i will blog later today..

and many more thanks to jen...i'm in awe of your generosity and all that you do for us...thank you... and to all my friends who turned out....thank you thank you